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knightblade890

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knightblade890

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knightblade890's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37565) - you deserved it (2984)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

#20512419
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30719) - you deserved it (3392)

On 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm - work - by ari (woman) - United States

Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply: "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML

#20512366
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11026) - you deserved it (40910)

On 02/18/2013 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML

#20511941
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36128) - you deserved it (3183)

On 02/18/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

#20511803
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29980) - you deserved it (2848)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

#20511774
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35520) - you deserved it (4001)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38497) - you deserved it (9262)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30224) - you deserved it (4336)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

#20470370
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28871) - you deserved it (5130)

On 01/20/2013 at 10:55pm - love - by airrinw_33 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

#20470154
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31490) - you deserved it (3232)

On 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm - animals - by AnonCat (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

#20469621
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34913) - you deserved it (3753)

On 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by maybe dead in a day (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59263) - you deserved it (6826)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

#20465397
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31765) - you deserved it (2117)

On 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm - animals - by bull-stuff - United States (South Carolina)

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

#20465041
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26775) - you deserved it (2381)

On 01/17/2013 at 7:39pm - misc - by FMyThroat (woman) - Peru (Lima)



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