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knightblade890

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knightblade890

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  • Number of visits : 566
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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knightblade890's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

#20739861
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25132) - you deserved it (63208) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/21/2013 at 6:18pm - love - by breeeeeh (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

#20739366
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68740) - you deserved it (6547)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he say down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML

#20738304
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51147) - you deserved it (7723)

On 06/21/2013 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my car keys, so I asked my ex-husband if he still had his spare to my car. He said he'd send it. I got an empty envelope with a troll face on it. There's a reason I left him. FML

#20738006
120 comments

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

#20736775
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53678) - you deserved it (5333)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:47am - intimacy - by naughtymommy0317 (woman) - United States

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

#20736581
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38500) - you deserved it (7719)

On 06/20/2013 at 1:49am - misc - by ohmygod (man) - United States

Today, my 16-year-old son broke two of his fingers playing with Play-Doh. FML

#20735100
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46376) - you deserved it (4711)

On 06/19/2013 at 12:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

#20733893
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41712) - you deserved it (19898)

On 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm - animals - by CatLover<3 - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

#20733745
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52932) - you deserved it (8711)

On 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm - money - by No money, mo' problems - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

#20732921
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35173) - you deserved it (3641)

On 06/18/2013 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

#20728225
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47100) - you deserved it (3764) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/15/2013 at 6:24pm - love - by Sovekipisse (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

#20715175
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56960) - you deserved it (9861)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML

#20714023
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50971) - you deserved it (3857)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm - work - by I hate my job (woman) - United States

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

#20713183
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60805) - you deserved it (13797)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)



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