About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to time
My profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty
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Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33267) - you deserved it (3160)
On 12/26/2012 at 12:25pm - love - by annie_nk (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31425) - you deserved it (1807)
On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31425) - you deserved it (1807)
On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64296) - you deserved it (15802)
On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)
Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34315) - you deserved it (16289)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7774) - you deserved it (22011)
On 12/23/2012 at 5:24pm - misc - by you fuckhobbit (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I told my husband to tell me his wildest fantasy. He told me it was to put on fake antlers and "do it like deer". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25769) - you deserved it (4878)
On 12/23/2012 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Kasey Eames - United States (California)
Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended not to hear me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42722) - you deserved it (3319)
On 12/22/2012 at 7:50am - love - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29770) - you deserved it (3027)
On 12/22/2012 at 6:21am - misc - by divingconfidence (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for christmas. Worst part: I now know my dads favourite position. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9278) - you deserved it (49651)
On 12/22/2012 at 6:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia
Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27011) - you deserved it (2049)
On 12/22/2012 at 3:06am - work - by Iknoweverything (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21570) - you deserved it (2743)
On 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm - misc - by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States (Arizona)
Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25198) - you deserved it (7593)
On 12/18/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by Dog_Lover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16607) - you deserved it (3684)
On 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm - work - by lingling (man) - United States (Maryland)
Friday 24 May 2013
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