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klovemachine

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klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5252
  • Number of comments : 618
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

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klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

#11991
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27002) - you deserved it (10200)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by phobopohobia (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

#11033
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26689) - you deserved it (2438)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by Fag_Hag (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months. FML

#5470
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37051) - you deserved it (322747)

On 02/02/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

#3770
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22360) - you deserved it (5423)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:27pm - love - by RollieCollieUSA - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

#2729
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42670) - you deserved it (2041)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by Noname - Japan (Fukuoka)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14821) - you deserved it (65975)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51496) - you deserved it (6997)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

#1001
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47727) - you deserved it (6603)

On 01/12/2009 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Poopy - United States (California)

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

#970
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4699) - you deserved it (44081)

On 01/11/2009 at 2:13pm - love - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML

#723
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9006) - you deserved it (67172)

On 01/07/2009 at 3:16am - intimacy - by sexaddict - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

#689
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17095) - you deserved it (6517)

On 01/03/2009 at 3:38am - misc - by sm@rtie - Sent from mobile version

Today, someone stole both rear view mirrors from my scooter. And where was the police? They were 500m down the road, waiting to stop me for not having any mirrors. FML

#569
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23015) - you deserved it (1438)

On 12/22/2008 at 12:43am - money - by daddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML

#555
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3918) - you deserved it (17719)

On 12/20/2008 at 12:50am - misc - by elo - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20948) - you deserved it (5611)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)



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