Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

klovemachine

Search for a member

klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5274
  • Number of comments : 618
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

LOL

klovemachine's last visitors

DrownedMyFishBafrinnNerdGirl321Canyoudig_itLindsey_MarieComet_Candysaf99memelonsmakitokito

klovemachine's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of klovemachine's badges

klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

#5579275
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7969) - you deserved it (34066)

On 10/01/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

#5537780
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32089) - you deserved it (1735)

On 09/28/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by shield1123 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger then me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML

#5254272
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22656) - you deserved it (37796)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by nen_00 - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

#5168083
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30907) - you deserved it (7085)

On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

#5165059
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43169) - you deserved it (14286)

On 09/10/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by drugged_on_arrival (man) - Virgin Islands British

Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML

#5128591
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10625) - you deserved it (32486)

On 09/08/2009 at 3:32pm - misc - by NoMoreHeadphones (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

#4933603
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51928) - you deserved it (4130)

On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

#4879215
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53294) - you deserved it (3496)

On 08/28/2009 at 7:43am - intimacy - by Phoellie (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

#4832941
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12860) - you deserved it (99195)

On 08/26/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

#4637795
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50801) - you deserved it (4213)

On 08/18/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Girl - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

#4627317
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17186) - you deserved it (59412)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

#4627317
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17186) - you deserved it (59412)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

#4627317
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17186) - you deserved it (59412)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius

Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML

#4574797
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63512) - you deserved it (9580)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: