Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

klovemachine

Search for a member

klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5207
  • Number of comments : 617
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

LOL

klovemachine's last visitors

NerdGirl321Canyoudig_itLindsey_MarieComet_Candysaf99memelonsmakitokitocnparks1990inner_peacethatgirlyouhate

klovemachine's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of klovemachine's badges

klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, I managed to fall face-first into a used condom. FML

#8801488
218 comments

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

#8797344
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18410) - you deserved it (6452)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Sorry (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

#8615441
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26766) - you deserved it (2257)

On 02/24/2010 at 2:13pm - money - by creditwhore (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

Today, I found out that my boyfriend joined a group on Facebook called 'Swallow. Or it's going in your eye.' Today I also found out that my boyfriend takes Facebook groups very seriously. FML

#8439216
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18120) - you deserved it (4024)

On 02/19/2010 at 9:27am - intimacy - by kit_kat14 (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

#8406793
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13518) - you deserved it (4231)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by goldie09 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

#8238239
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20092) - you deserved it (3083)

On 02/14/2010 at 3:42am - love - by dzisfml - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

#8153486
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17961) - you deserved it (2553)

On 02/12/2010 at 12:11am - health - by NotSoSick (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14671) - you deserved it (4005)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

#7900233
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8233) - you deserved it (50674)

On 02/05/2010 at 5:35am - love - by hickey (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

#7848040
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6330) - you deserved it (32984)

On 02/03/2010 at 3:10pm - misc - by adam - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, get closer to Jesus camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

#7668183
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30882) - you deserved it (9099)

On 01/29/2010 at 6:22am - misc - by purple - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

#7609277
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34955) - you deserved it (9142)

On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

#7598826
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9489) - you deserved it (20068)

On 01/26/2010 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I forgot to take a certain medication that helps turn my lead logs into flaky floaters. So what happens? I'm in the restroom for 30 minutes, straining to go, and two girls walk in and start imitating me. FML



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: