About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty
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Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47590) - you deserved it (18002)
On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41539) - you deserved it (18836)
On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)
Today, a very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said 'Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!' When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said 'You've made me the happiest man alive' as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20791) - you deserved it (74698)
On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38673) - you deserved it (71408)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52141) - you deserved it (7054)
On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)
Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (62180) - you deserved it (6758)
On 07/25/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by misopower (woman) - China (Henan)
Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37160) - you deserved it (2967)
On 07/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59579) - you deserved it (3972)
On 07/21/2009 at 5:38pm - intimacy - by Headphones (man) - United States
Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53778) - you deserved it (420)
On 07/21/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by emkatch (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23695) - you deserved it (78564)
On 07/17/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by anonamous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46906) - you deserved it (9537)
On 07/15/2009 at 12:01am - love - by Stuck (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17123) - you deserved it (75386)
On 07/13/2009 at 5:17am - intimacy - by air (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17123) - you deserved it (75386)
On 07/13/2009 at 5:17am - intimacy - by air (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32037) - you deserved it (22180)
On 07/13/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61156) - you deserved it (9523)
On 07/12/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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