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klovemachine

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klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5291
  • Number of comments : 618
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

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klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year old guy who cleans our pool. FML

#11225858
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50562) - you deserved it (5538)

On 06/15/2010 at 9:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

#11076203
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46193) - you deserved it (16774)

On 06/09/2010 at 7:34am - intimacy - by thetalkingvagina (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

#10925224
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31569) - you deserved it (4238)

On 06/02/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by GrandmaShakers (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

#10906568
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20369) - you deserved it (3653)

On 06/01/2010 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

#10906568
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20369) - you deserved it (3653)

On 06/01/2010 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned my boyfriend has another girlfriend. His excuse is he's bipolar and each of his personalities needs a girlfriend. FML

#10642030
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38351) - you deserved it (4429)

On 05/20/2010 at 1:12am - love - by life sucks - United States (Texas)

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

#10624819
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46482) - you deserved it (6374)

On 05/19/2010 at 8:12am - intimacy - by during - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

#10433797
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28716) - you deserved it (4323)

On 05/09/2010 at 10:15am - intimacy - by izzie (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

#9918494
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7358) - you deserved it (61766)

On 04/16/2010 at 8:34am - health - by TowelSmellsNice (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

#9799109
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10284) - you deserved it (37298)

On 04/11/2010 at 7:54am - intimacy - by John doe - United States (Utah)

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

#9152447
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31764) - you deserved it (3790)

On 03/17/2010 at 2:12am - intimacy - by today -

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

#9133208
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24891) - you deserved it (6679)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm - health - by liu_kang - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

#9129865
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25557) - you deserved it (4858)

On 03/16/2010 at 11:30am - work - by slickboy0023 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

#9099724
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22923) - you deserved it (2008)

On 03/15/2010 at 9:33am - work - by PunchingKennyLoggins (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

#8938821
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18301) - you deserved it (18474)

On 03/09/2010 at 1:43am - love - by anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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