About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to time
My profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty
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Today, I was trying to write an essay for school while sleep deprived. After getting 7 pages into it, I crashed face-first onto the keyboard and slept for 20 minutes. When I woke up, my essay was nothing more than a blank document. My face had been pressing the Backspace button the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15297) - you deserved it (23513)
On 11/10/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by IHateYouBackspace (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4388) - you deserved it (37942)
On 11/10/2009 at 8:52pm - intimacy - by prayforme (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found out that I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to be leaving for Paris with my college abstinence group for a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8311) - you deserved it (56493)
On 11/10/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38756) - you deserved it (3203)
On 11/07/2009 at 12:01pm - misc - by ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, someone at work was bragging that their son was high school valedictorian and offered a full college scholarship. 7 years ago, I was also valedictorian and got that same scholarship. All I said was, "Congratulations. Did you want fries with that?" and continued taking their order. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31285) - you deserved it (5118)
On 11/07/2009 at 11:04am - work - by John (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25752) - you deserved it (4782)
On 11/07/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by iheartvodka (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13335) - you deserved it (2574)
On 11/02/2009 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9218) - you deserved it (34222)
On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19977) - you deserved it (7736)
On 10/30/2009 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19977) - you deserved it (7736)
On 10/30/2009 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13445) - you deserved it (2899)
On 10/26/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by kl (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53679) - you deserved it (2573)
On 10/21/2009 at 2:31pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45592) - you deserved it (1702)
On 10/20/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by BobbyHutchinson (man) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11560) - you deserved it (12825)
On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I am the RA. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28476) - you deserved it (3612)
On 10/07/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by pennyhater (woman) - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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