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klovemachine

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klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5240
  • Number of comments : 618
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

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klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, I accidentally walked into a meeting at which the whole company was there but me. The meeting was about how they could legally fire me while paying as little severance as possible. I'm the CEO and the founder of the company. FML

#13825716
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39099) - you deserved it (3621)

On 11/13/2010 at 9:43am - work - by everythingWASperfect - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

#13716117
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9405) - you deserved it (29966)

On 11/04/2010 at 4:30pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58838) - you deserved it (8488)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58838) - you deserved it (8488)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML

#13601704
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30689) - you deserved it (3671)

On 10/26/2010 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Deidle-dee - United States

Today, I teach English in Taiwan. I got two new students, brothers named Harry and Potter. People, they're children, not pets. FML

#13541967
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28041) - you deserved it (4363)

On 10/21/2010 at 9:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year university astronomy class that I have a strict 10pm bedtime. FML

#13444529
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6703) - you deserved it (24981)

On 10/14/2010 at 10:45am - misc - by pathetic_girl (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

#13351667
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42294) - you deserved it (13768)

On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

#13321339
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7402) - you deserved it (40734)

On 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

#13321339
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7402) - you deserved it (40734)

On 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

#13318955
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65711) - you deserved it (7415)

On 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

#13311710
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49582) - you deserved it (5334)

On 10/04/2010 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

#13291298
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24972) - you deserved it (3605)

On 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - United States (Texas)



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