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klovemachine

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klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5153
  • Number of comments : 616
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

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klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

#14282148
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19137) - you deserved it (36024)

On 12/21/2010 at 4:38am - intimacy - by fail (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

#14234444
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32240) - you deserved it (2953)

On 12/17/2010 at 11:05am - intimacy - by biblewanker - Australia

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

#14187537
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94182) - you deserved it (5040)

On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

#14170745
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29903) - you deserved it (4107)

On 12/11/2010 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

#14156953
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23119) - you deserved it (4454)

On 12/10/2010 at 6:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

#14081399
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25636) - you deserved it (5725)

On 12/04/2010 at 6:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

#14081399
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25636) - you deserved it (5725)

On 12/04/2010 at 6:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

#14070837
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44764) - you deserved it (9808)

On 12/03/2010 at 11:19am - intimacy - by flopsy - Australia

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

#14043132
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52464) - you deserved it (9842)

On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML

#13994749
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27865) - you deserved it (13680)

On 11/27/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

#13990744
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30124) - you deserved it (6629)

On 11/26/2010 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Interrupted - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

#13974897
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31444) - you deserved it (20678)

On 11/25/2010 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

#13936248
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17483) - you deserved it (3228)

On 11/22/2010 at 11:33am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at work, I accidentally walked into a meeting at which the whole company was there but me. The meeting was about how they could legally fire me while paying as little severance as possible. I'm the CEO and the founder of the company. FML

#13825716
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39083) - you deserved it (3621)

On 11/13/2010 at 9:43am - work - by everythingWASperfect - Canada (Ontario)



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