About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to time
My profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty
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Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20153) - you deserved it (3290)
On 12/19/2009 at 5:18am - love - by Madagascar (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19616) - you deserved it (2508)
On 12/13/2009 at 3:22pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13952) - you deserved it (3018)
On 12/12/2009 at 2:28am - intimacy - by Laura_2118 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13952) - you deserved it (3018)
On 12/12/2009 at 2:28am - intimacy - by Laura_2118 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5476) - you deserved it (24750)
On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34997) - you deserved it (1926)
On 12/09/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by PoorGramps - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8547) - you deserved it (22181)
On 11/28/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by TooTallNiCo (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31857) - you deserved it (2158)
On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it's now 1pm in the afternoon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4599) - you deserved it (39488)
On 11/23/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Nicholasand (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)
Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26881) - you deserved it (3065)
On 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by sickkid (man) - United States (California)
Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24040) - you deserved it (2656)
On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25399) - you deserved it (6830)
On 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was trying to write an essay for school while sleep deprived. After getting 7 pages into it, I crashed face-first onto the keyboard and slept for 20 minutes. When I woke up, my essay was nothing more than a blank document. My face had been pressing the Backspace button the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15293) - you deserved it (23512)
On 11/10/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by IHateYouBackspace (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4384) - you deserved it (37925)
On 11/10/2009 at 8:52pm - intimacy - by prayforme (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found out that I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to be leaving for Paris with my college abstinence group for a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8308) - you deserved it (56459)
On 11/10/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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