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klovemachine

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klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5205
  • Number of comments : 617
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

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klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

#14608705
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28325) - you deserved it (18981) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

#14596277
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27837) - you deserved it (3793)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found some nude vintage pictures in my house. I decided to beat my meat to them. Later I found out it was my grandma. FML

#14583340
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14402) - you deserved it (71858)

On 01/14/2011 at 11:05pm - intimacy - by Gabriel A - United States (Ohio)

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

#14545580
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28478) - you deserved it (2402)

On 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

#14545580
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28478) - you deserved it (2402)

On 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

#14540407
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21867) - you deserved it (5950)

On 01/11/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

#14531050
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28775) - you deserved it (1950)

On 01/10/2011 at 7:48am - health - by AW -

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

#14518129
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24655) - you deserved it (5021)

On 01/09/2011 at 5:18am - intimacy - by S - Singapore

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66236) - you deserved it (3484)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

#14475422
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46735) - you deserved it (8129)

On 01/05/2011 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML

#14463495
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32429) - you deserved it (7173)

On 01/04/2011 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML

#14463495
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32429) - you deserved it (7173)

On 01/04/2011 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35243) - you deserved it (7057)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

#14305984
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38588) - you deserved it (8374)

On 12/23/2010 at 1:36am - intimacy - by nemo518 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

#14297992
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36167) - you deserved it (3476)

On 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by screwed (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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