About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to time
My profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty
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Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24791) - you deserved it (24648)
On 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by kinky - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20678) - you deserved it (37524)
On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)
Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one player mode. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25961) - you deserved it (3305)
On 07/15/2010 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by knock_out (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28689) - you deserved it (3419)
On 06/24/2010 at 5:38pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year old guy who cleans our pool. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49605) - you deserved it (5474)
On 06/15/2010 at 9:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41559) - you deserved it (13499)
On 06/09/2010 at 7:34am - intimacy - by thetalkingvagina (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30119) - you deserved it (4121)
On 06/02/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by GrandmaShakers (man) - United States (California)
Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18214) - you deserved it (3444)
On 06/01/2010 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18214) - you deserved it (3444)
On 06/01/2010 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I learned my boyfriend had another girlfriend, his excuse was he was bipolar and each of his personalities need a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33930) - you deserved it (3523)
On 05/20/2010 at 1:12am - love - by life sucks - United States (Texas)
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44274) - you deserved it (6223)
On 05/19/2010 at 8:12am - intimacy - by during - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24299) - you deserved it (3408)
On 05/09/2010 at 10:15am - intimacy - by izzie (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6100) - you deserved it (48249)
On 04/16/2010 at 8:34am - health - by TowelSmellsNice (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9027) - you deserved it (33372)
On 04/11/2010 at 7:54am - intimacy - by John doe - United States (Utah)
Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27007) - you deserved it (2960)
On 03/17/2010 at 2:12am - intimacy - by today -
Monday 20 May 2013
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