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klovemachine

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klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5235
  • Number of comments : 618
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

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klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

#16449288
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61487) - you deserved it (3348)

On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

#16448858
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13235) - you deserved it (20299)

On 06/01/2011 at 8:35am - intimacy - by Username - Canada

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

#16374822
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6699) - you deserved it (66194)

On 05/27/2011 at 4:52pm - love - by nicole - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

#16331288
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45794) - you deserved it (6807)

On 05/24/2011 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by asnolt (man) - United States (California)

Today, the only positive thing my ex boyfriend left me was my pregnancy test. FML

#16268222
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52701) - you deserved it (12056)

On 05/20/2011 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Emma-Louise (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31546) - you deserved it (19668)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35546) - you deserved it (9882)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

#16200408
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18837) - you deserved it (58353)

On 05/16/2011 at 1:40am - intimacy - by phoenix101 -

Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML

#16166578
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35827) - you deserved it (4156)

On 05/14/2011 at 1:07am - misc - by IhateThem - United States

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

#16161340
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37723) - you deserved it (3522)

On 05/13/2011 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by Uhmm... - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I saw a car swerving in front of me on the freeway, so I whipped out my cell to report the DUI. As soon as it started ringing, I see police lights in my rear view and got slapped with a ticket for using a cell phone while driving. After explaining why, the officer said, "Nice try." FML

#16028485
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23619) - you deserved it (24164)

On 05/03/2011 at 1:22am - misc - by AE86Turbo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

#15934305
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42375) - you deserved it (5387)

On 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by Scarlett - United States (Washington)

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

#15891295
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31221) - you deserved it (3057) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/22/2011 at 10:17pm - work - by n77 - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

#15791690
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17536) - you deserved it (40988)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

#15738282
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18314) - you deserved it (63193)

On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)



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