About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to time
My profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty
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Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24896) - you deserved it (3984)
On 03/25/2013 at 9:13am - misc - by sorryyouweregone - Japan (Tokyo)
Today, my guinea pig was resting on my shoulder. However, I forgot to tie my hair up and she gnawed off a clump of it that was a good 6 inches long. I had to fight her to get it out of her mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20425) - you deserved it (6457)
On 03/25/2013 at 1:04am - animals - by brittyed (woman) - United States
Today, my guinea pig was resting on my shoulder. However, I forgot to tie my hair up and she gnawed off a clump of it that was a good 6 inches long. I had to fight her to get it out of her mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20425) - you deserved it (6457)
On 03/25/2013 at 1:04am - animals - by brittyed (woman) - United States
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27212) - you deserved it (5766)
On 03/24/2013 at 3:35am - love - by whatchagonnado - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I got laid off. Walking out of the building, I saw someone on crutches and thought, "Hey, at least I can still walk." Two hours later, I blew out my knee playing basketball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26468) - you deserved it (5163)
On 03/19/2013 at 9:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37582) - you deserved it (14827)
On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12758) - you deserved it (21624)
Today, my prom dress finally arrived. My prom was yesterday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43457) - you deserved it (9082)
On 03/15/2013 at 3:09am - misc - by ipaid350dollarsfornothing - Qatar
Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15143) - you deserved it (25505)
On 03/14/2013 at 6:52am - health - by jen (woman) - United States
Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25949) - you deserved it (1660)
On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36316) - you deserved it (7344)
On 03/10/2013 at 9:40am - intimacy - by cremyfrozentreat - United States (Florida)
Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (965) - you deserved it (8725)
On 03/09/2013 at 8:35am - intimacy - by ShittyWalls (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32470) - you deserved it (1916)
On 03/07/2013 at 3:17am - work - by crap - United States
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32120) - you deserved it (3184)
On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8566) - you deserved it (44467)
On 02/24/2013 at 10:41pm - misc - by Fox - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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