About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty
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Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14447) - you deserved it (2564)
On 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm - work - by a4rk (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23180) - you deserved it (2208)
On 07/03/2012 at 2:22am - misc - by Dreamer (man) - United States (California)
Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20457) - you deserved it (2073)
On 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Addison - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9163) - you deserved it (15718)
On 06/21/2012 at 11:07pm - misc - by yeah - United States
Today, I had my blood drawn for a lab test. I was then given a container so I could give a urine sample. In the middle of peeing, I got woozy, started blacking out, and hit my head against the wall. A nurse discovered me with my pants down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16647) - you deserved it (1263)
On 06/18/2012 at 12:05pm - health - by nerdsgetmehot (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, while giving my fiancé a hand-job, my ring got stuck in his pubes. We had to awkwardly get to the kitchen to get scissors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16640) - you deserved it (4728)
On 06/16/2012 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by Mega_bug - United States (Washington)
Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20934) - you deserved it (1982)
On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22468) - you deserved it (8482)
On 06/02/2012 at 2:50am - misc - by OutOfTheCloset - United States (Texas)
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29005) - you deserved it (1850)
On 06/02/2012 at 1:43am - misc - by ironyisabitch - United States (California)
Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24612) - you deserved it (1039)
On 06/01/2012 at 5:05pm - health - by Briscuit (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7661) - you deserved it (28485)
On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)
Today, I read an article on babies dying after being accidentally left in cars in the sun. On my lunch break, I decided to walk around the parking lot, checking to see that no kids were abandoned in cars. A guy gave me a smack for looking through his car window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6199) - you deserved it (27506)
On 05/21/2012 at 10:59am - misc - by whytoday -
Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17603) - you deserved it (3454)
On 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm - money - by me (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6147) - you deserved it (6626)
On 05/12/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Snickers (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6147) - you deserved it (6626)
On 05/12/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Snickers (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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