About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to time
My profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty
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Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14819) - you deserved it (875)
On 10/06/2012 at 3:12am - health - by monkers - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12290) - you deserved it (1316)
On 10/06/2012 at 1:57am - misc - by Joey - United States (Nevada)
Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12082) - you deserved it (222)
On 09/30/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by what the fuck, mate (man) - Australia
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15026) - you deserved it (3111)
On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15444) - you deserved it (923)
On 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm - misc - by PerpetuallyHappy (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22652) - you deserved it (2451)
On 09/21/2012 at 12:51am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9221) - you deserved it (36912)
On 09/11/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by gemma - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5943) - you deserved it (12103)
On 09/08/2012 at 1:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19993) - you deserved it (4783)
On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19501) - you deserved it (2465)
On 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about being super heroes. He said I could be "The Period" because I'm a bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13446) - you deserved it (5974)
On 08/25/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had a hard time taking a dump. Before flushing, I noticed two pennies and a dime incrusted in my turd. It seems that yesterday, while drunk, I swallowed some change. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4324) - you deserved it (18134)
On 08/23/2012 at 2:54am - money - by chrisbravo - United States
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21958) - you deserved it (1519)
On 08/21/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19152) - you deserved it (2193)
On 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by majorlyturnedoff (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21399) - you deserved it (3665)
On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)
Friday 24 May 2013
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