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klovemachine

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klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5221
  • Number of comments : 618
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

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klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

#20458655
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44779) - you deserved it (5466)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:56am - love - by shiney100893 (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

#20458512
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29027) - you deserved it (5684)

On 01/14/2013 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27687) - you deserved it (3048)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44653) - you deserved it (7704)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26236) - you deserved it (7320)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29292) - you deserved it (8290)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42775) - you deserved it (5705)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29448) - you deserved it (4215)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

#20446711
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14449) - you deserved it (29828)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

#20446658
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15911) - you deserved it (44568)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

#20445318
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17868) - you deserved it (1149)

On 01/06/2013 at 7:50pm - misc - by HatedGrandson - United States

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

#20436604
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46119) - you deserved it (3503)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm - misc - by apparentlythereisnokarma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29804) - you deserved it (5468)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

#20436012
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46777) - you deserved it (3487)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:20am - intimacy - by ashbeat - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

#20434488
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34543) - you deserved it (3089)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by _The__Doctor_ (woman) - United States (Florida)



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