Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

klovemachine

Search for a member

klovemachine
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5183
  • Number of comments : 617
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty

LOL

klovemachine's last visitors

NerdGirl321Canyoudig_itLindsey_MarieComet_Candysaf99memelonsmakitokitocnparks1990inner_peacethatgirlyouhate

klovemachine's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of klovemachine's badges

klovemachine's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31423) - you deserved it (7367)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I taught my 12-year-old brothers that showering cannot be used as a substitute for deodorant, and that they should use both. One of them was almost in tears. FML

#21077693
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34744) - you deserved it (3806)

On 03/04/2014 at 8:37am - kids - by :/ -

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

#21050194
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51238) - you deserved it (5870)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important business meeting for first thing in the morning. After making sure everything was ready, I went to work. My boss ended up oversleeping and moved the meeting to tomorrow. FML

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43509) - you deserved it (6796)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40186) - you deserved it (13652)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

#21032937
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45522) - you deserved it (5003)

On 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm - misc - by fail (man) - United States

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40938) - you deserved it (3506)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30274) - you deserved it (37451)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML

#21025608
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45532) - you deserved it (3492)

On 01/12/2014 at 2:06pm - misc - by shakinmahbuttbutt (man) - United States

Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML

#20994255
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34740) - you deserved it (2653)

On 12/16/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by Mary (woman) - United States

Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

#20993906
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35303) - you deserved it (2886)

On 12/15/2013 at 9:04pm - kids - by lavenderpiss (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42893) - you deserved it (7376)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42893) - you deserved it (7376)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

#20991120
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46326) - you deserved it (7569)

On 12/13/2013 at 10:10am - love - by wth? - United Kingdom (Rotherham)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: