About klovemachine : I enjoy FML. It is good for a few laughs. Any comments I make are meant to be humorous, but I will strike out from time to timeMy profile picture features my cat, Oreo. I love my kitty
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Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24796) - you deserved it (2246)
On 06/18/2013 at 9:06am - work - by Not a day over 35 (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32502) - you deserved it (59617)
On 06/12/2013 at 2:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43015) - you deserved it (3472)
On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)
Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26731) - you deserved it (29417)
On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31832) - you deserved it (7995)
On 05/28/2013 at 3:11am - work - by Olerbia - United States
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39736) - you deserved it (2716)
On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48924) - you deserved it (2573)
On 05/27/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by wow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was torn from my car and slammed against the hood because a canister of window-cleaning wipes I keep in my glove compartment apparently looks vaguely like a pipe-bomb. My lawyer agreed with the cops, and won't handle the "excessive force" case I threatened the police with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37183) - you deserved it (3322)
On 05/24/2013 at 3:42am - misc - by JDziewaltowski (man) - United States
Today, I was torn from my car and slammed against the hood because a canister of window-cleaning wipes I keep in my glove compartment apparently looks vaguely like a pipe-bomb. My lawyer agreed with the cops, and won't handle the "excessive force" case I threatened the police with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37183) - you deserved it (3322)
On 05/24/2013 at 3:42am - misc - by JDziewaltowski (man) - United States
Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32096) - you deserved it (11136)
On 05/22/2013 at 1:40pm - misc - by hobbit - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32565) - you deserved it (5205)
On 05/20/2013 at 7:23pm - animals - by catcraze - United States (Colorado)
Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35762) - you deserved it (7164)
On 05/15/2013 at 12:12pm - love - by lackadaisy_leah - United States
Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36295) - you deserved it (6415)
On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43011) - you deserved it (4742)
On 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by hopelesscollegechick - United States (Alabama)
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
I agree, your life sucks (42575) - you deserved it (6736)
On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)
Monday 17 June 2013
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