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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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kittyshock

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kittyshock
  • Town/Country : enid, usa
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 July 1988 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 1032
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About kittyshock : eh....

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kittyshock's favorite FMLs

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

#446324 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (77442) - you deserved it (16659)

On 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm - love - by Syferix (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

#381498 (233)

I agree, your life sucks (118310) - you deserved it (14782)

On 03/16/2009 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by gfg (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047 (1012)

I agree, your life sucks (404647) - you deserved it (241702)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

#346119 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (91698) - you deserved it (11085)

On 03/15/2009 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by MarMar (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363076) - you deserved it (401423)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

#142795 (426)

I agree, your life sucks (174475) - you deserved it (40155)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

#142269 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (33855) - you deserved it (18964)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:08am - kids - by iailwkrb (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I accidentally locked my car & house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that i lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

#141258 (27)

I agree, your life sucks (29346) - you deserved it (6493)

On 02/26/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by MadameM (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499 (268)

I agree, your life sucks (67606) - you deserved it (15917)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

#122747 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (14305) - you deserved it (41091)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

#115181 (42)

I agree, your life sucks (57309) - you deserved it (3395)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:02pm - intimacy - by unlucky_vee_13 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

#113033 (64)

I agree, your life sucks (66868) - you deserved it (3698)

On 02/23/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by Megan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working the register, a well dressed man around 6'3 came in and placed an order. After writing it down, I asked why he was dressed so nicely. He responded, "I'm going to court for stalking pretty girls like you." Our name tags have full names. FML

#102148 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (57825) - you deserved it (3558)

On 02/22/2009 at 3:04am - work - by ineedtomove (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

#99945 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (64908) - you deserved it (5578)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by not getting any anymore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob (I don't normally do it because I have a fear of getting squirt in the eye). Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bite the wrong spot and get lemon juice shot right into my eye. FML

#99356 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (22094) - you deserved it (64837)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)