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kittycatxo's favorite FMLs
Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML
by IronSkye / 08/29/2013 at 6:55am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Kids
by oD_Ronan / 08/29/2013 at 3:39am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 2:50pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML
by sweetnan / 08/27/2013 at 9:29pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Miscellaneous
by mykhael / 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Louisiana) / Animals
by twatstick / 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML
by newbffswelcome / 08/04/2013 at 2:07pm / Vietnam (Ha Noi) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave: "He's out of my league; you're not." FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 12:53pm / United States / Love
Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 12:36am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by whowhat / 07/11/2013 at 2:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML
by mylifesucks / 07/10/2013 at 4:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
by my honest father / 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous