About kittycat1597 : hi my names jessica im lesbian and deathly afraid of moths. I'm a professional dancer also
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kittycat1597's favorite FMLs
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
by DBR / 04/23/2009 at 6:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML
by pinkblankets / 04/18/2009 at 9:55pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
by SLA / 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by IHateBagels / 03/22/2009 at 2:43pm / United States (New York) / Health
by joshinbaltimore / 03/22/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML
by SwedishBozo / 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML
by Judiee / 02/28/2009 at 5:52am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by buddy / 01/26/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, my wife was talking to our 9 month-old baby. “Your father really is an example.” I smiled,…