About kittycat1597 : hi my names jessica im lesbian and deathly afraid of moths. I'm a professional dancer also
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kittycat1597's favorite FMLs
by DeepTaccer / 10/30/2010 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Health
Today, after spending the three previous nights cursing the noisiest bird alive that continually disrupts my sleep to the point where I just want to smash the damn thing's head in with a rock, I realised it's been my pedestal fan the entire time. FML
by SoundConfuser / 10/13/2010 at 7:58am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML
by babydoll / 10/12/2010 at 5:26am / United Kingdom (Fife) / Transportation
by ifpigsflew / 10/04/2010 at 7:31pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health
by anonymous / 06/30/2010 at 12:05am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2010 at 1:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML
by nyu / 01/25/2010 at 1:33am / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML
by snorlax / 01/19/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
by welted / 01/01/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML
by rtrim29 / 12/26/2009 at 11:18am / United States (Florida) / Health
by B / 12/18/2009 at 11:19am / United States (New Jersey) / Work
by buhknee / 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by munchkin / 10/26/2009 at 2:35am / Miscellaneous
Today, my son lost his pet rat, Charlie. Whilst vacuuming under my couch, the vacuum suddenly shut off. Something was stuck in it, so I took it apart. Something was inside, so I leaned in closer to get a better look. Bad news? I need a new vacuum. Good news? I found Charlie. FML
by ohgosh / 10/12/2009 at 1:27am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…