kissmyass23

Search for a member

kissmyass23

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1413
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

kissmyass23's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of kissmyass23's badges

kissmyass23's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

by jesus christ / 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm / United States / Kids

Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML

by Foreverathome / 09/28/2011 at 1:17am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

by -- / 09/04/2011 at 12:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

by abby181 / 09/03/2011 at 10:36am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

by christine brown / 08/26/2011 at 8:03am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2011 at 4:03am / United States / Money

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

by Kendal / 08/23/2011 at 2:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I passed a kidney stone. This is the third one in two years. I'm only 23. FML

by Lorus / 08/23/2011 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

by aprilfools22 / 08/17/2011 at 4:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, someone hit me with their car. They yelled at me for being in their way. FML

by TheKunitzShow14 / 08/10/2011 at 3:22am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

by lalala / 06/14/2011 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

by aarone23 / 06/01/2011 at 9:30am / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

by JCC / 05/18/2011 at 6:57am / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

by rawr / 04/20/2011 at 10:15am / Work

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

by JJMan217 / 04/03/2011 at 3:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous