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kissmyass23

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kissmyass23
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 642
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

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kissmyass23's favorite FMLs

Today, my job at a luxurious retirement community was terminated when I ran over an old lady with my work golf cart. FML

#18852472
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7178) - you deserved it (43607)

On 01/19/2012 at 10:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

#18844188
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27253) - you deserved it (4506)

On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

#18830961
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26342) - you deserved it (5391)

On 01/17/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

#18824245
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31168) - you deserved it (9930)

On 01/16/2012 at 12:10pm - animals - by moorox45 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

#18814667
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24135) - you deserved it (3118) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm - love - by Vitriol (man) - France

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

#18812557
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27132) - you deserved it (2761)

On 01/15/2012 at 4:00am - intimacy - by involuntary waxing - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

#18807759
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36714) - you deserved it (2840)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying on some new pants in the fitting room at a store. I was so overcome with joy when I noticed that I had dropped two pant sizes, that when I took them off and went outside to pay for them, I realized I forgot to put back on my original jeans. FML

#18804731
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21714) - you deserved it (10866)

On 01/14/2012 at 11:14am - misc - by Julez - United States (Texas)

Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

#18784375
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12870) - you deserved it (22710)

On 01/12/2012 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Armagh)

Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML

#18778131
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30755) - you deserved it (3861)

On 01/11/2012 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my therapist told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to handle your level of instability." FML

#18725353
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33837) - you deserved it (4137)

On 01/06/2012 at 11:16am - health - by Ixi_the_pixie - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

#18721494
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28549) - you deserved it (2906)

On 01/05/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

#18716901
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34127) - you deserved it (4591) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm - animals - by Fat_abott - France

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

#18716043
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30098) - you deserved it (8628)

On 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by lorahayes (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

#18661455
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50151) - you deserved it (10127)

On 12/31/2011 at 4:21am - intimacy - by nickthetank (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)



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