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kissmyass23's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/19/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by anon / 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Texas) / Love
by moorox45 / 01/16/2012 at 12:10pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
by Vitriol / 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm / France / Love
by involuntary waxing / 01/15/2012 at 4:00am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2012 at 6:40pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was trying on some new pants in the fitting room at a store. I was so overcome with joy when I noticed that I had dropped two pant sizes, that when I took them off and went outside to pay for them, I realized I forgot to put back on my original jeans. FML
by Julez / 01/14/2012 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/12/2012 at 11:33am / United Kingdom (Armagh) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/11/2012 at 7:26pm / United States / Intimacy
by Ixi_the_pixie / 01/06/2012 at 11:16am / United States / Health
Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2012 at 11:06pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
by Fat_abott / 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm / France / Animals
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
by nickthetank / 12/31/2011 at 4:21am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
- Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it.… Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come… Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend.…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of…