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kissmyass23

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kissmyass23

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  • Number of visits : 1371
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

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kissmyass23's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

#19745357
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29716) - you deserved it (3569)

On 06/06/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by BrianTheLion89 - United States

Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML

#19554232
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9827) - you deserved it (60139)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21480) - you deserved it (40400)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada

Today, my ex-husband officially became my step dad. FML

#19421919
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93259) - you deserved it (4710)

On 04/07/2012 at 4:20am - love - by ladylarni - Australia

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

#19167589
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24478) - you deserved it (7694)

On 02/26/2012 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by still learning - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

#19064063
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36323) - you deserved it (6737)

On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

#19059708
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31554) - you deserved it (2371)

On 02/12/2012 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

#19059341
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40720) - you deserved it (2998)

On 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm - kids - by amythest - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

#19058382
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9415) - you deserved it (27895)

On 02/12/2012 at 4:50pm - misc - by fuck teh poleese (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

#18996569
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28061) - you deserved it (5140)

On 02/04/2012 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by dasnich (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

#18983166
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46530) - you deserved it (9723)

On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
217 comments

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46624) - you deserved it (4057)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

#18949271
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34454) - you deserved it (60920)

On 01/30/2012 at 12:37am - love - by givingup (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

#18932795
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25121) - you deserved it (2413)

On 01/28/2012 at 10:46am - animals - by tannarox - United States (California)



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