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kissmyass23

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kissmyass23

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  • Number of visits : 836
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

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kissmyass23's favorite FMLs

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

#3660807
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50995) - you deserved it (2346)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:43am - misc - by ttsutaoka (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding my bike without the seat cover on. I hit a curb wrong and the two metal rods from the skeleton of the seat went through my jeans. I went to the med clinic to then find out that I had to get stitches in my scrotum. There were no male doctors. FML

#3308517
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23729) - you deserved it (44783)

On 06/28/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

#2855395
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80951) - you deserved it (3777)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:13am - misc - by Toothy_Peg (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139074) - you deserved it (9965)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

#2405014
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45153) - you deserved it (11132)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

#2252019
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11264) - you deserved it (53198)

On 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Tyler_Padgett (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76723) - you deserved it (23382)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25729) - you deserved it (69798)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

#379533
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36031) - you deserved it (158204)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

#280211
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33122) - you deserved it (96545)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52267) - you deserved it (98016)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

#125156
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56697) - you deserved it (6780)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

#94383
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9659) - you deserved it (51252)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

#91995
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47206) - you deserved it (2452)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm - health - by trackgurl (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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