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kissmyass23

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kissmyass23
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 657
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

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kissmyass23's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

#4932229
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24737) - you deserved it (46471)

On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

#4874486
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44372) - you deserved it (6023)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:41am - kids - by mariokarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

#4639027
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12995) - you deserved it (62171)

On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

#4618349
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43865) - you deserved it (13210)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:02am - animals - by anugla (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

#4464455
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55217) - you deserved it (3658)

On 08/12/2009 at 12:13am - animals - by jennabean (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

#4407265
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12861) - you deserved it (51461)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by deflated - Ireland

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

#4350390
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19638) - you deserved it (47284)

On 08/07/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by scaredshitless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

#4340185
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24880) - you deserved it (93497)

On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

#4338265
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42739) - you deserved it (3075)

On 08/06/2009 at 4:01pm - misc - by tryingnottocare (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

#4255105
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42694) - you deserved it (3429)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:16pm - work - by Azcrazy (man) - United States

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

#4142743
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10660) - you deserved it (66556)

On 07/29/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

#4053619
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20160) - you deserved it (51278)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML

#4029321
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43222) - you deserved it (25263)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, he came to meet me at the airport. I was so excited when I first saw him that I broke into a sprint to greet him. Apparently, running through the airport looks suspicious, because a security guard tackled me. Now I have a broken nose. FML

#3878343
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44641) - you deserved it (5176)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML



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