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kissaoneal13's favorite FMLs
Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML
by thanks, Nemo. / 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by vet1 / 07/11/2013 at 11:18am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work
Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML
by Garchomp / 07/08/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
by Erica / 07/08/2013 at 1:27pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML
by realitybites / 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by SimG / 07/07/2013 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 5:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
by hamburger / 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by BlueB / 07/06/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by The fuck, junior? / 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by SpiderFather / 07/02/2013 at 4:01am / France / Kids
Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML
by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 1:24am / United States (California) / Transportation
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…