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kissaoneal13's favorite FMLs
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Work
Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML
by red / 09/27/2012 at 7:37am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by bacon lovers worst nightmare / 09/26/2012 at 2:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Fingkids / 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm / United States / Kids
Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML
by creepedasfuck / 09/23/2012 at 12:50pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML
by MT / 09/19/2012 at 1:25pm / Finland / Love
by unfortunateMother / 09/18/2012 at 3:51pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids
Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML
by Birdwatcher / 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by hahagirl / 09/12/2012 at 1:40am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by rotezora / 09/02/2012 at 8:44am / Switzerland (Basel-Stadt) / Love
Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML
by Kat / 08/30/2012 at 9:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML
by kvdfan / 08/27/2012 at 8:57am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 08/25/2012 at 8:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by alix / 08/24/2012 at 11:45am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Animals
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.…