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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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kire

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kire
  • Town/Country : Netherlands
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 9 May 1987 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 2822
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kire's favorite FMLs

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863 (544)

I agree, your life sucks (142163) - you deserved it (12677)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227 (490)

I agree, your life sucks (154510) - you deserved it (18169)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348 (832)

I agree, your life sucks (32051) - you deserved it (381680)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinate. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML

#374506 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (22609) - you deserved it (50802)

On 03/16/2009 at 5:55am - misc - by WhatdyaDo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (362970) - you deserved it (401296)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

#245374 (82)

I agree, your life sucks (57245) - you deserved it (17638)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by lovewedge (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I called to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said 'Mommy, I don't want to leave.' She wasn't talking to me. FML

#234756 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (96025) - you deserved it (5280)

On 03/07/2009 at 3:15pm - kids - by divorced (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

#185266 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (48381) - you deserved it (8475)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

#53082 (35)

I agree, your life sucks (7518) - you deserved it (55434)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for the first time in months, I got a call from a beautiful girl asking me what I was doing tonight. Then my battery died. FML

#36219 (31)

I agree, your life sucks (32991) - you deserved it (6130)

On 02/13/2009 at 10:02am - misc - by shinoza (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

#29912 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (116538) - you deserved it (33119)

On 02/12/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by alhummel21 (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

#19721 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (20271) - you deserved it (1637)

On 02/10/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by appleville (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

#12567 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (179213) - you deserved it (31648)

On 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by hahahehehohohoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

#2379 (30)

I agree, your life sucks (12981) - you deserved it (1135)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by raybandy - United States (Texas)