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kirbydumas's favorite FMLs
by Sisterly Love / 01/02/2015 at 12:37am / United States (Michigan) / Health
by Z3R0G5 / 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/28/2013 at 11:53am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML
by NickDrakeFan / 10/28/2013 at 9:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 6:57am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by angryinlaws / 10/12/2013 at 3:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML
by WTF? / 10/03/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by hoo flung pu / 10/03/2013 at 4:26am / United States / Animals
Today, I was told there was a bench warrant out for my arrest because a notice to appear for jury duty was sent to my old address and I never responded. I haven't lived at my old address for 2 years. FML
by novapine / 10/01/2013 at 4:34am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by WOW / 07/13/2013 at 4:40pm / Kenya / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
by andy / 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 1:12am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2012 at 12:52pm / United States (Maryland) / Money
Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML
by Rhine / 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to… Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because… Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think…