kingtz

Search for a member

kingtz

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 20 March 1981 (35 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3134
  • Number of comments : 316
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About kingtz : I do stem cell research, and am really into the sciences. If you see me here, I probably should be working.

I love to read. Especially stuff like "The Wheel of Time" and ASOIAF!

For fun, I love rock climbing, lifting weights and I play tennis occasionally.

And to answer everybody's question, that's not my puppy, and nor is that my hand.

kingtz's page activity

Visits<b>IAm123</b> - the 08/06/2016 at 2:26am<b>CamBamShamDaMan</b> - the 07/01/2016 at 1:41pm<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 7:45pm<b>holly_fly</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 12:05am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 3:14am<b>jill97</b> - the 03/26/2016 at 12:54pm<b>isabelc</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 10:41pm<b>trenteg11</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 9:58am<b>ronnixoxo</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 1:39pm<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 10:04pm<b>jellenwood</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 9:53am<b>NateshN</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 7:28am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 12:17am<b>redstone7693</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 9:07pm<b>kianabanannna</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 9:39pm<b>Gwen4var</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 7:25pm<b>bluecabose</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 7:41pm<b>Boxer3421</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 4:55pm

Fucked!<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 1:46am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 6:17am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 11:15pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 6:41pm

kingtz's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of kingtz's badges

kingtz's favorite FMLs

Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML

by Extended_desktop / 09/11/2011 at 1:53pm / Poland / Intimacy

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

by Creeped_out_n_stuck / 08/05/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

by PissNTra / 07/19/2011 at 1:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2011 at 4:40am / Austria / Intimacy

Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

by wittlegirl / 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

by couldntholdit / 07/12/2011 at 1:09pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent it by replying to the last text sent. I'm now responsible for traumatizing my 12 year old niece who could only reply, "Like Jeopardy?" FML

by PandaMantis / 06/25/2011 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2011 at 9:37am / Denmark (Sjelland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

by techiefIve / 06/14/2011 at 6:04am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

by gabxoxo03 / 06/10/2011 at 3:06pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

by Username / 06/01/2011 at 8:35am / Canada / Work

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

by redhanded / 05/28/2011 at 5:24am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy