About kingsgirl99 : FML!!
About kingsgirl99 : FML!!
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kingsgirl99's favorite FMLs
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
by Toothy_Peg / 06/13/2009 at 11:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML
by Anon / 05/26/2009 at 1:45pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous
by silvercity09 / 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200 picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML
by MdT / 05/23/2009 at 7:51am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Holidays
Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/30/2009 at 3:42pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Money
Today, while at work in a subscription TV call center, a 71 year old male customer went into explicit detail about the Adult's Only programming that he enjoys, including all the kinky things he learns from said programming and tries out on his 70 year old wife. FML
by Lockie / 04/28/2009 at 5:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML
by Anonymous / 04/27/2009 at 10:18am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies, "Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML
by dontaskdonttell / 04/24/2009 at 2:27am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML
by anonymous / 04/11/2009 at 9:23am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML
by Anonymous / 04/08/2009 at 12:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML
by dramateach11 / 04/02/2009 at 8:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML
by douchetard / 03/26/2009 at 3:37am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by joshinbaltimore / 03/22/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to… Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think… Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because…