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kingotter

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kingotter
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 2029
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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kingotter's favorite FMLs

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (451467) - you deserved it (32012)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

#197066
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136284) - you deserved it (15285)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by eaa145 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML

#185042
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59359) - you deserved it (15929)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by Stairway2Heaven - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

#161178
992 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58839) - you deserved it (642937)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1094765) - you deserved it (108798)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

#142795
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (239574) - you deserved it (56611)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

#97632
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (239392) - you deserved it (43352)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by GD (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

#86179
717 comments

I agree, your life sucks (735849) - you deserved it (73962)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (213611) - you deserved it (73280)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

#19635
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29037) - you deserved it (1985)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:58am - misc - by neversayhiagain (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

#13786
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32178) - you deserved it (2243)

On 02/07/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by max (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

#585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32468) - you deserved it (5599)

On 12/24/2008 at 6:19am - intimacy - by sixsix - Sent from mobile version

Today, a driver stole the parking space I was about to pull into. I politely asked him to move. He had a go at me, so I kick his car twice, in front of a few witnesses. The car is fine. I ripped two ligaments in my foot and I'll have a cast for a month. FML

#507
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5618) - you deserved it (30652)

On 12/13/2008 at 7:06am - misc - by Kikinovak - Sent from mobile version



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