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king_kazma

Offline (the 02/04/2016 at 12:52am) | Search for a member

king_kazma

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 30 September 1991 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 13053
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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king_kazma's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of king_kazma's badges

king_kazma's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

#21480731
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27427) - you deserved it (2723)

On 10/16/2015 at 11:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbor's attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

#21478578
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26250) - you deserved it (1687)

On 10/11/2015 at 11:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

#21478533
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12081) - you deserved it (41920)

On 10/11/2015 at 7:45am - kids - by Hank-T4 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32411) - you deserved it (3391)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

#21407028
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29014) - you deserved it (2191)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:31pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

#21405167
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31226) - you deserved it (3435)

On 05/05/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I failed a major exam. It wasn't because I didn't prepare for it, though. I failed because somebody sneezed during it and I said "bless you." Apparently, that's classed as cheating. FML

Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML

Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML

#21399271
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27887) - you deserved it (24940)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:23pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

#21398419
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30299) - you deserved it (4548) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/23/2015 at 8:27am - kids - by bleue - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46159) - you deserved it (3443)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

#21396978
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25870) - you deserved it (3265)

On 04/20/2015 at 5:41pm - misc - by Deli meat prom - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

#21396178
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28163) - you deserved it (7425)

On 04/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got banned from my favourite online video game for calling a person on my team a "Baked Potato". FML



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