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kimmi5

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kimmi5
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  • Number of visits : 1403
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kimmi5's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

#20894038
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47773) - you deserved it (2894)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

#20894007
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39538) - you deserved it (2555)

On 09/24/2013 at 2:14am - work - by DimeShapedBruise (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

#20893338
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37133) - you deserved it (2292)

On 09/23/2013 at 6:49pm - misc - by theynamedmeluke (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

#20893179
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47947) - you deserved it (3134)

On 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm - love - by friend loves a gay guy... - United States (Ohio)

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

#20892490
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49127) - you deserved it (7053)

On 09/23/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by baddad (man) - United States

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

#20892314
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37810) - you deserved it (17297)

On 09/22/2013 at 10:56pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

#20892017
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37089) - you deserved it (2441)

On 09/22/2013 at 8:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

#20891477
165 comments

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

#20890943
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35965) - you deserved it (9553)

On 09/22/2013 at 12:26am - work - by not_fakingit - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

#20890169
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35406) - you deserved it (2904)

On 09/21/2013 at 1:28pm - love - by gemtas5 (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

#20889651
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44200) - you deserved it (2750)

On 09/21/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

#20889450
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57646) - you deserved it (4792)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by oops - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44463) - you deserved it (29538)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

#20889340
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39861) - you deserved it (17744)

On 09/20/2013 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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