About kimmi5 : I enjoy FML and read fmls during my down time. I usually don't comment ever. I like to keep to myself mostly. If I look a little young, the picture is not of me but of my little sister. Thanks for taking the time to read about me.
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kimmi5's favorite FMLs
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
by Water Daughter / 10/13/2013 at 1:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML
by hungry / 10/13/2013 at 1:23am / United States / Money
Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML
by markerThief / 10/13/2013 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit / 10/12/2013 at 4:28pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
by jnisla / 10/11/2013 at 6:44pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 6:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Utah) / Work
by Itsnotmeitsyou / 10/11/2013 at 2:09am / Australia / Work
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
by Lady Douche of Asscrackington / 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by DisgustinglyFrustrated / 10/10/2013 at 11:40am / Argentina (Santa Fe) / Intimacy
Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML
by oneiPodlighter / 10/09/2013 at 11:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML
by Ixiion / 10/09/2013 at 1:26pm / United States (New York) / Health
by arthise / 10/09/2013 at 3:03am / United States (Indiana) / Love
by Anon / 10/09/2013 at 1:21am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML
by Allycat / 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (New York) / Kids
- Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding… Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My… Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to…