Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

kimeatszombies

Offline (13 hours ago) | Search for a member

kimeatszombies

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 225
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About kimeatszombies : Vegetarian. Horror enthusiast. Skyrim addict. Professional cat petter.

kimeatszombies's page activity

Visits<b>daveyyyyh</b> - 7 hours ago<b>heffastera</b> - 14 hours ago<b>Infamous278</b> - yesterday at 1:51pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 6:06am<b>Austrand22</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 4:06am<b>davidxflow</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 10:30pm<b>dave20012</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 9:01pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 7:29pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 7:20pm<b>firefighterwife</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 9:54am<b>paolino</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 7:24am<b>ZY1431</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 6:56am<b>swharley</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 6:51am<b>dustydick</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 4:41pm<b>S232Flash</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 3:26pm<b>crazymadkitty</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 7:13am<b>Lars93</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 8:33am<b>andy594328</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 5:44am

Liked!<b>S232Flash</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 12:51pm

kimeatszombies's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of kimeatszombies's badges

kimeatszombies's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29505) - you deserved it (8323)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36574) - you deserved it (16207)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30082) - you deserved it (3817)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41771) - you deserved it (7880)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45025) - you deserved it (4500)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

#21227114
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43379) - you deserved it (7035)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

#21224768
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43125) - you deserved it (5119)

On 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by WasntWorthIt - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

#21190698
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51641) - you deserved it (6624)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

#21182128
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50383) - you deserved it (8705)

On 06/20/2014 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

#21154464
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46686) - you deserved it (5600)

On 05/28/2014 at 10:21am - love - by needanotherbed - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48530) - you deserved it (7066)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

#21099986
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43786) - you deserved it (6369)

On 03/30/2014 at 6:04am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43524) - you deserved it (6509)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: