Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

kimeatszombies

Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member

kimeatszombies

4Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 280
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About kimeatszombies : Vegetarian. Horror enthusiast. Skyrim addict. Professional cat petter.

kimeatszombies's page activity

Visits<b>Infamous278</b> - 7 hours ago<b>cohenb93</b> - 22 hours ago<b>americanafrican</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 11:21am<b>harley1077</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 2:12am<b>heffastera</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 8:04pm<b>Zaketh2112</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 7:22pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 3:24pm<b>heyitzme992</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 5:15am<b>pmnj19</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 11:57pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 11:33pm<b>Cristian89</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 11:12pm<b>jenninator93</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 10:46pm<b>airborneranger7</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 10:24pm<b>Silk_Routes</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 9:37pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 9:20pm<b>pantherfan0877</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 8:54pm<b>steeler088</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 8:50pm<b>shainj78</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 12:20pm

Liked!<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 5:33am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 2:31am<b>RA91</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 1:09am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 12:51pm

kimeatszombies's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of kimeatszombies's badges

kimeatszombies's favorite FMLs

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (5383)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

#21316697
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29471) - you deserved it (4802)

On 12/13/2014 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

#21314442
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31367) - you deserved it (5254)

On 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML

#21312961
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20277) - you deserved it (32687)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:10am - misc - by .__. (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

#21312610
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31561) - you deserved it (9473)

On 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by fuckered519 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2 minutes into it, he called me by the other woman's name. FML

#21309730
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42248) - you deserved it (8494)

On 12/01/2014 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42089) - you deserved it (10661)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

#21309384
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27595) - you deserved it (7472)

On 12/01/2014 at 11:38am - misc - by WickedLittleDoll - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36847) - you deserved it (16299)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30112) - you deserved it (3822)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42953) - you deserved it (8646)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45279) - you deserved it (4515)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

#21190698
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51747) - you deserved it (6630)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

#21154464
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46710) - you deserved it (5604)

On 05/28/2014 at 10:21am - love - by needanotherbed - United Kingdom (Suffolk)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: