Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Online | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 889
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About kimeatszombies : Vegetarian. Horror enthusiast. Skyrim addict. Professional cat petter.

kimeatszombies's page activity

Visits<b>meatball4122</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 1:41am<b>tranced_</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 5:34pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 5:25pm<b>cba7</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 4:43pm<b>Lukin</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 11:20am<b>firefighterbee</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 2:39am<b>PresAgent</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 12:01pm<b>Bhuffman94</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 3:15am<b>tiger820</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 12:16am<b>12shadic12</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 1:01pm<b>zackw1325</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 6:06pm<b>ShatteredPulse</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 10:44am<b>that_guy31</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 1:12am<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 10:34pm<b>wildmouse</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 5:31pm<b>looking4funny</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 3:53pm<b>907Drifter</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 1:04pm<b>JDub1031</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 10:22am

Fucked!<b>Bhuffman94</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 9:15am<b>tranced_</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 5:09pm<b>ShatteredPulse</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 4:44pm<b>wildmouse</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 11:31pm<b>brandonwong</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 9:52am<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 5:05am<b>meatball4122</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 3:37am<b>Daubrin</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 12:29am<b>IamHercules</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 9:40pm<b>FuKcMee</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 8:54pm<b>The_Avatar</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 8:42pm<b>copperchinchilla</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 7:22pm<b>twister45</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 7:21pm<b>imkool136</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 7:14pm<b>Thundaar25</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 6:47pm<b>looking4funny</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 2:15am<b>PancakeSlap</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 3:54am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 7:03am

kimeatszombies's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of kimeatszombies's badges

kimeatszombies's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I got in a fight about which is better: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. We aren't speaking. FML

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25200) - you deserved it (3458)

On 09/15/2015 at 1:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21471) - you deserved it (1699)

On 09/12/2015 at 12:16pm - health - by RightInTheFace (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22747) - you deserved it (7154)

On 09/05/2015 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by ManderDander (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML


I agree, your life sucks (24489) - you deserved it (1711)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML


I agree, your life sucks (23149) - you deserved it (4870)

On 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by Gonzales (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32029) - you deserved it (13394)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29826) - you deserved it (4843)

On 06/12/2015 at 12:51pm - misc - by poor baby - Germany

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33601) - you deserved it (7592)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:42am - work - by HiddlePuff - Australia

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML


Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29747) - you deserved it (5146)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:24pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31749) - you deserved it (4645)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34279) - you deserved it (7030)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by oooooops (man) - United States

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33200) - you deserved it (3349)

On 03/16/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by jfields2474 - United States (California)

Today, a guy attacked me and tried to steal my bag. I tried to defend myself by biting him as hard as I could. I then woke up to my husband screaming in pain. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34472) - you deserved it (4253)

On 02/21/2015 at 3:28pm - misc - by poncho55 (woman) -

Scarlatine's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Scarlatine's illustrated FML
  • Are your abs well-toned and look like you’re made of metal? Feel like a machine ready to take whatever the crossfit fad can throw at you? Do you scream, ”Bro, do you Even lift?" at people during…

Monday 5 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: