About kimeatszombies : Vegetarian. Horror enthusiast. Skyrim addict. Professional cat petter.
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kimeatszombies's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend let me stay over at her house for the first time. I went into her room only to find out she's obsessed with the Joker and has a bunch of posters and toys of him. I am deathly afraid of clowns. FML
by ScaredOfClowns / 12/31/2015 at 11:40am / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by cassieleigh1 / 11/05/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by RIPcareer / 10/18/2015 at 3:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
by amburrjade / 09/22/2015 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Geek
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2015 at 1:56am / United States / Intimacy
by RightInTheFace / 09/12/2015 at 12:16pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Health
by ManderDander / 09/05/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Gonzales / 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
by shmarf / 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML
by poor baby / 06/12/2015 at 12:51pm / Germany / Miscellaneous
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
by Ixlovexwaffles / 04/29/2015 at 4:33pm / Intimacy
- Today, i found out my boyfriend of two years is hitting on my friend. The friend who told me he was… Today, I had to go through metal detectors at work to get to the parking lot, I removed my belt to… Today, my anxiety disorder has gotten so bad that just talking about anxiety is enough to give me a…