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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1259
  • Number of comments : 53
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 4 posted

About kimeatszombies : Vegetarian. Horror enthusiast. Skyrim addict. Professional cat petter.

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kimeatszombies's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend let me stay over at her house for the first time. I went into her room only to find out she's obsessed with the Joker and has a bunch of posters and toys of him. I am deathly afraid of clowns. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (3530)

On 12/31/2015 at 11:40am - love - by ScaredOfClowns (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML


I agree, your life sucks (27747) - you deserved it (8729)

On 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my father, who is not familiar with keyboards, had me register his new email account for him at the public library. His username choice? "Wang dang sweet poon tang". People heard. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20854) - you deserved it (1857)

On 11/05/2015 at 12:05am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that I mistyped "math enthusiast" as "meth enthusiast". FML


I agree, your life sucks (24660) - you deserved it (7495)

On 10/18/2015 at 3:18pm - work - by RIPcareer - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27437) - you deserved it (2725)

On 10/16/2015 at 11:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I got in a fight about which is better: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. We aren't speaking. FML

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28202) - you deserved it (3994)

On 09/15/2015 at 1:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22149) - you deserved it (1744)

On 09/12/2015 at 12:16pm - health - by RightInTheFace (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24786) - you deserved it (7658)

On 09/05/2015 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by ManderDander (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML


I agree, your life sucks (25133) - you deserved it (1753)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML


I agree, your life sucks (24713) - you deserved it (5242)

On 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by Gonzales (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33612) - you deserved it (14042)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30450) - you deserved it (4929)

On 06/12/2015 at 12:51pm - misc - by poor baby - Germany

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34218) - you deserved it (7698)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:42am - work - by HiddlePuff - Australia

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML


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