kimeatszombies

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kimeatszombies

106Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1635
  • Number of comments : 54
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 4 posted

About kimeatszombies : Vegetarian. Horror enthusiast. Skyrim addict. Professional cat petter.

kimeatszombies's page activity

Visits<b>emi_alejandra</b> - yesterday at 6:16pm<b>TC2Flee</b> - yesterday at 12:28am<b>jewbacca188</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 2:49pm<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 9:14am<b>PancakeSlap</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 12:57am<b>kawayi</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 7:43pm<b>Genius_Kitty</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 11:19pm<b>betweenwinds</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 2:43pm<b>hardesty2904</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 5:00pm<b>Coach11</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 12:27am<b>Trama1201</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 3:40pm<b>suicyanide</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 2:33pm<b>MrGodface</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 12:51am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 11:50pm<b>Ruskiy_Cherep</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 5:53pm<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 7:18am<b>rileekp</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 10:30pm<b>USMC10Rex12451</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 10:52pm

Fucked!<b>MrGodface</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 6:51am<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 8:37pm<b>USMC10Rex12451</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 4:52am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 1:39pm<b>droid1126</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 12:57am<b>Marelena20</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 7:59pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 6:32am<b>rhiley</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 6:28am<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 4:54am<b>rogwest</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 4:41am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 2:07am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 1:51am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 4:35pm<b>Tenker</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 4:50am<b>BWARD51</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 10:30pm<b>lawls79</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 9:15pm<b>Scorpio01</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 9:10pm<b>suicyanide</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 7:16pm

kimeatszombies's FML badges

Follow up

You subsequently gave feedback by commenting on an FML that you’d submitted and was published.

One ring to rule them all

You submitted an FML that was successfully published on the website. This makes you an exceptional human being.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

See all of kimeatszombies's badges

kimeatszombies's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend let me stay over at her house for the first time. I went into her room only to find out she's obsessed with the Joker and has a bunch of posters and toys of him. I am deathly afraid of clowns. FML

by ScaredOfClowns / 12/31/2015 at 11:40am / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Love

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my father, who is not familiar with keyboards, had me register his new email account for him at the public library. His username choice? "Wang dang sweet poon tang". People heard. FML

Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that I mistyped "math enthusiast" as "meth enthusiast". FML

by RIPcareer / 10/18/2015 at 3:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I got in a fight about which is better: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. We aren't speaking. FML

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2015 at 1:56am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

by RightInTheFace / 09/12/2015 at 12:16pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Health

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

by ManderDander / 09/05/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

by Gonzales / 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

by shmarf / 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML

by poor baby / 06/12/2015 at 12:51pm / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML