kimcompton83

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kimcompton83

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 10 May 1983 (33 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1336
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About kimcompton83 : I am an asshole!

kimcompton83's page activity

Visits<b>Artures_way1</b> - the 09/25/2016 at 8:21pm<b>holymacabre</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 9:21pm<b>Xx_dankdoge_xX</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 12:23am<b>guii</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 4:02pm<b>ostark</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:29am<b>TheDog6</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 2:35am<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:50am<b>imsostupidok</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 9:07am<b>coleiab125</b> - the 02/27/2013 at 3:43pm<b>brandon3747</b> - the 05/22/2012 at 10:28pm<b>Toby13</b> - the 04/05/2012 at 1:55am<b>rcbarnes</b> - the 03/27/2012 at 3:22am<b>healthy41so_sick</b> - the 03/22/2012 at 4:42am<b>emeraldon</b> - the 02/29/2012 at 12:57pm

kimcompton83's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of kimcompton83's badges

kimcompton83's favorite FMLs

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

by Kayla / 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm / United States / Health

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML

by mark / 03/05/2012 at 5:55pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML

by Alfie4 / 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, I defended the dried up things in the cup noodles as being real vegetables, just so that it would appear that I do actually eat vegetables. FML

by Nope / 03/05/2012 at 4:42am / China / Health

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

by cero_kewl / 03/05/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work

Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2012 at 7:59pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

by stuff2710 / 03/04/2012 at 7:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

by Hannah / 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

by raven_teen_titan / 03/04/2012 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

by Autocorrected / 03/04/2012 at 12:02am / Philippines (Bulacan) / Love

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

by argh / 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML

by Ashleigh / 03/02/2012 at 5:53pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

by wtf did I do / 03/02/2012 at 4:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2012 at 10:54am / United States / Health