About kimcompton83 : I am an asshole!
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, I went swimming in a pond. I came out covered in leeches. Terrified, I screamed, flailed about and cried out for help until half a dozen people ran over. One of them was kind enough to point out that those leeches I was so afraid of were actually patches of mud. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5755) - you deserved it (18219)
On 03/05/2012 at 8:36pm - misc - by asdfBUTT (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19894) - you deserved it (6929)
On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6277) - you deserved it (15638)
On 03/05/2012 at 5:55pm - misc - by mark (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20599) - you deserved it (6983)
On 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by Alfie4 (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I defended the dried up things in the cup noodles as being real vegetables, just so that it would appear that I do actually eat vegetables. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3744) - you deserved it (12319)
Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23101) - you deserved it (2156)
On 03/05/2012 at 12:12am - work - by cero_kewl - United States
Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14378) - you deserved it (1191)
Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6555) - you deserved it (35736)
On 03/04/2012 at 7:27pm - money - by stuff2710 - United States (Illinois)
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16690) - you deserved it (17997)
On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14611) - you deserved it (2171)
On 03/04/2012 at 12:51am - animals - by raven_teen_titan - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32971) - you deserved it (19751)
On 03/04/2012 at 12:02am - love - by Autocorrected (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17481) - you deserved it (1304)
On 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm - misc - by wtf dad (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML
I agree, your life sucks (5902) - you deserved it (18291)
On 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm - misc - by argh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8363) - you deserved it (19379)
Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15820) - you deserved it (2469)
On 03/02/2012 at 4:15pm - misc - by wtf did I do - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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