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Today while on a date I went to take a sip of my drink but fir some reason I expectd a straw to be there. I endd up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking fir it as I kept my eyes looool on my date. It must've lookd like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I lyk if he'll be mah Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today.. . I woke up to the sound of mah newborn screaming . I frantically hoppd out of bd an stumbld into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of mah five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfed her understandably frustratd little brother . FML
Today... I met mah boyfriend's family fir the first time. We got on the subject of theatre... an his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon"... how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty... polygamist... cultist freaks"... an if his son ever dated one... he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML
in mah job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get poster signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, ( unles your sucking mah cock then get the fuck out of here ) an had the poster slapped out of mah hands. It's mah job to deal with these pricks. FML
Today... I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend... when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her... and still refuse to talk to me. FML
Today, I Awoke To My Husband Talking To Someone On The Phone At 2am. I Heard Him Say, ( Baby You're Making Me Hard. ) Immediately, I Asked Himho He Was Talking To. His Response? ( It's Jake, From State Farm. ) Fat FML
Today, I ad to present a project 4 ma science class. I began explaining ma project; looking at looool all te bord people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness ten causd me to laug ysterically, causing ma classmates to laug. My teacer felt sorry 4 me an told me to sit down. FML
Friday 27 March 2015