About kilullu : Hi ya! I'm a fun, outgoing individual who enjoys the company of my beautiful, amazing friends. I'm also happy and fun!
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kilullu's favorite FMLs
Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2014 at 11:15am / United States (Colorado) / Health
by anon / 06/21/2014 at 8:50am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML
by legitfile.bat.virus.exe / 06/20/2014 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Health
by Alex / 06/20/2014 at 6:05pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/20/2014 at 5:19pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I got a very serious case of the shits while in the middle of trying to close a sale, and had to run to the bathroom. My coworker picked up the sale, stealing all the commission in the process. FML
by shudson186 / 06/10/2014 at 8:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
by Anonymous / 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Kids
by Screwed / 06/07/2014 at 9:31am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML
by help me / 06/01/2014 at 11:51am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
by half-dead in CA / 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML
by get a grip, son / 05/30/2014 at 4:37pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/30/2014 at 1:28pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by PsychoBillyGoat / 05/25/2014 at 8:47pm / United States (Alaska) / Animals
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I was on an adult-orientated website when my mother entered the room. I closed the webpage…