Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

killjoy64

Search for a member

killjoy64

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 318
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

killjoy64's page activity

Visits<b>LokaS</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 1:55pm<b>rosenkrieger223</b> - the 05/08/2013 at 6:28am<b>imbjs</b> - the 04/19/2013 at 4:23pm

killjoy64's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of killjoy64's badges

killjoy64's favorite FMLs

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

#17480166
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33504) - you deserved it (11481)

On 08/15/2011 at 12:20pm - love - by Leota (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

#16277810
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59088) - you deserved it (10069)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

#16125377
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43596) - you deserved it (4584)

On 05/11/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Sola -

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33519) - you deserved it (11178)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33519) - you deserved it (11178)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML

#16074801
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40950) - you deserved it (8153)

On 05/07/2011 at 1:58am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

#15932020
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37623) - you deserved it (4416)

On 04/26/2011 at 8:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Israel

Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML

#15890797
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27042) - you deserved it (18253)

On 04/22/2011 at 9:39pm - kids - by NathanPlays - United States (California)

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

#15762337
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17568) - you deserved it (36315)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:20pm - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

#15657358
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29917) - you deserved it (10195)

On 04/05/2011 at 9:52pm - misc - by troublewithbleach (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

#15583575
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25109) - you deserved it (32162)

On 04/01/2011 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

#15542094
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13728) - you deserved it (69063)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

#14610613
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39989) - you deserved it (26526) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML

#6298520
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31236) - you deserved it (3025)

On 11/14/2009 at 7:35am - misc - by Kassiopia (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

#6154190
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32844) - you deserved it (16647)

On 11/04/2009 at 5:37pm - misc - by Cellismasher (woman) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: