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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 12 June 1989 (25 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1308
  • Number of comments : 193
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About kewpiesuicide : Hippie lesbian with wanderlust

kewpiesuicide's page activity

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kewpiesuicide's favorite FMLs

Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33809) - you deserved it (5479)

On 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by No thank you (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36391) - you deserved it (5255)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43306) - you deserved it (9424) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML


I agree, your life sucks (43476) - you deserved it (27763)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43158) - you deserved it (6149)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42343) - you deserved it (5637)

On 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm - misc - by icandothecancan - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML


I agree, your life sucks (41750) - you deserved it (6695)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49008) - you deserved it (4983)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53387) - you deserved it (4141)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28486) - you deserved it (5390)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29941) - you deserved it (4539)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20531) - you deserved it (49051)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML


I agree, your life sucks (18297) - you deserved it (12068)

On 06/01/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by furred (man) - Philippines

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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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