About kewpiesuicide : Hippie lesbian with wanderlust
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One more and it's business time
You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.
You sure know how to party?
You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
kewpiesuicide's favorite FMLs
Today, I spent six hours making chicken and black bean chili for a big family gathering. I go to use the restroom. I come back to the pot on the floor with my cat standing in the chili, eating it. FML
by ChaosFerret / 05/03/2016 at 4:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
by BroadcitySF / 02/27/2016 at 10:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by whatthefuck / 12/27/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by MyLegsHurt / 10/28/2015 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by philosophicallll / 09/28/2015 at 4:25pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Animals
Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML
by Hooty / 09/02/2015 at 5:52pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML
by matou / 07/09/2015 at 4:41pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Transportation
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health
by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by justin Bieber / 06/15/2015 at 10:49am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 3:06am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML
by officeditz / 06/03/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML
by alekoi / 05/13/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by No thank you / 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…