Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

kewpiesuicide

Offline (the 05/19/2014 at 4:41pm) | Search for a member

kewpiesuicide

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 12 June 1989 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 769
  • Number of comments : 147
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About kewpiesuicide : Dyke, suicide girl, pessimistic humor. Yeah, that pretty much sums me up

kewpiesuicide's page activity

Visits<b>itstayyyylor</b> - one hour ago<b>LittleRed79</b> - yesterday at 10:15am<b>Peng1995</b> - yesterday at 10:15am<b>Twoandahalfmins</b> - yesterday at 10:13am<b>shannly00</b> - yesterday at 10:10am<b>sturschaedel</b> - yesterday at 10:01am<b>AlexKSteen</b> - yesterday at 10:00am<b>TheAsma</b> - yesterday at 10:00am<b>gshocker20</b> - yesterday at 9:55am<b>TheRandomGurf</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 11:51pm<b>mzcupcakez</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 7:13pm<b>TrueBlank</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 5:03pm<b>martini47</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 4:36pm<b>kelsorg</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 11:13am<b>ThatsStoryOfLife</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 3:15pm<b>TeamTurnUp</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 9:39am<b>2tonekid</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 8:28am<b>jrp</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 2:59pm

kewpiesuicide's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

See all of kewpiesuicide's badges

kewpiesuicide's favorite FMLs

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42747) - you deserved it (6106)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

#21183414
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41659) - you deserved it (5532)

On 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm - misc - by icandothecancan - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41463) - you deserved it (6639)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46703) - you deserved it (4737)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53034) - you deserved it (4116)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27763) - you deserved it (5311)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29583) - you deserved it (4510)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19097) - you deserved it (46544)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML

#19713389
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18078) - you deserved it (11941)

On 06/01/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by furred (man) - Philippines

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34757) - you deserved it (5442)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34757) - you deserved it (5442)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

#18716043
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32601) - you deserved it (9073)

On 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by lorahayes (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

#18128656
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46968) - you deserved it (5371)

On 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: