kewlkali

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Offline (the 06/23/2016 at 3:00am)

kewlkali

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1857
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 44 posted

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kewlkali's page activity

Visits<b>redstone7693</b> - the 03/25/2016 at 12:04pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 02/28/2016 at 9:41am

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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

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kewlkali's favorite FMLs

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

by wishihadpockets / 01/28/2010 at 5:24am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML

by snorlax / 01/19/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriends and I got a caricature painting while on a trip in the city. Unfortunately for me, the part of my appearance that the artist decided to exaggerate was my acne. FML

by fmylifegirl / 12/29/2009 at 3:59pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

by rtrim29 / 12/26/2009 at 11:18am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

by fatguyinalittlecoat / 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my boss a simple question about a problem I was having with a project I am currently doing. He replied: ''You don't worry your sweet little ass about it babe". My boss is my girlfriend's father. Nice. FML

by GiWi / 11/18/2009 at 11:45am / Ireland (Cork) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

by anonymous / 10/27/2009 at 9:27am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

by kl / 10/26/2009 at 2:15am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

by MissMSE / 09/18/2009 at 4:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

by mandy / 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML

by Mak10 / 08/21/2009 at 1:18am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML

by hunnydoll / 08/17/2009 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

by JPF / 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2009 at 8:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

by dumbo / 07/30/2009 at 10:43am / United States (Virginia) / Animals