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kewlkali's favorite FMLs
Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 9:17am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
by joeshmoe / 01/15/2012 at 7:52am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML
by eakthegeek / 01/10/2012 at 4:36am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/17/2011 at 2:47am / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML
by charlie3289 / 10/27/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML
by lostlove / 09/30/2011 at 10:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML
by Frenchgirl / 09/15/2011 at 9:42pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML
by santa_maria / 08/25/2011 at 5:45pm / Reunion / Love
Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML
by Trimacle / 08/24/2011 at 2:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Thebestman123 / 08/04/2011 at 10:45pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by preggo / 07/31/2011 at 9:16pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health
by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids