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kewlkali

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kewlkali

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 929
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 36 posted

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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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kewlkali's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML

#20505035
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28299) - you deserved it (5691)

On 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by please leave... - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML

#20502217
175 comments

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20530) - you deserved it (41083)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35617) - you deserved it (3708)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36714) - you deserved it (3841)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10306) - you deserved it (40758)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25562) - you deserved it (6599)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31216) - you deserved it (6236)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27637) - you deserved it (4742)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

#20090283
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19508) - you deserved it (2456)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm - love - by - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

#20063309
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20196) - you deserved it (12414)

On 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by dating a fucking idiot (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML

#20050023
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26446) - you deserved it (5142)

On 08/30/2012 at 9:08pm - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

#20047830
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31388) - you deserved it (6121)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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