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kewlkali

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kewlkali

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1115
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 37 posted

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kewlkali's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49043) - you deserved it (4987)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

#21010392
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35785) - you deserved it (28759)

On 12/30/2013 at 12:20pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

#21009908
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40608) - you deserved it (3239)

On 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by LeaveHimAlone (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

#21009542
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42339) - you deserved it (3421)

On 12/29/2013 at 5:58pm - love - by RustyRuski (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

#21000308
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46099) - you deserved it (6102)

On 12/21/2013 at 3:05pm - misc - by back to creepers (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, I tried to storm out of the room during an argument, but walked face-first into our closed sliding glass door. My boyfriend laughed so hard that he had to sit down. Later, we noticed the nose mark I left. He won't let me clean it, because he wants to show it to everyone. FML

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27680) - you deserved it (54678)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44497) - you deserved it (5397)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

#20925183
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28408) - you deserved it (40789)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

#20919376
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54171) - you deserved it (3435)

On 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by mustabeendrugs (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

#20909145
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49023) - you deserved it (5344)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:20am - intimacy - by inhaler -.- - United States (Alabama)

Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#20887080
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48456) - you deserved it (3048)

On 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm - love - by ElizaZee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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