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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52373) - you deserved it (5136)
On 10/27/2009 at 9:27am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36715) - you deserved it (4415)
On 10/20/2009 at 6:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I told my daughter how her eyes look exactly as pretty as my wife's. She told me that she loved the way my eyeballs stick out of my face, just like Elmo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30524) - you deserved it (3673)
On 10/03/2009 at 8:33am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16459) - you deserved it (72552)
On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (51048) - you deserved it (11675)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33260) - you deserved it (2850)
On 09/02/2009 at 4:07pm - work - by iceman123432 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35048) - you deserved it (2108)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm - animals - by Catscratch (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41351) - you deserved it (5005)
On 08/28/2009 at 2:30pm - health - by minnie (woman) - United States
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54611) - you deserved it (12512)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was walking with my husband, holding hands, when a man with a rainbow shirt on came up to us. He said, "I'm so glad that gay men can go out in public without being embarassed nowdays!" He patted me on the back and walked away. I'm a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41212) - you deserved it (4530)
On 08/25/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by offendedfemme (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52813) - you deserved it (9988)
On 08/17/2009 at 9:50am - misc - by malebonding (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36387) - you deserved it (2006)
On 08/15/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by iltdtsm - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55677) - you deserved it (3247)
On 08/11/2009 at 11:07pm - kids - by ahhahaha (man) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37689) - you deserved it (2886)
On 08/09/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by foojew93 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49661) - you deserved it (13468)
On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Monday 20 May 2013
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