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kevtheloser

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kevtheloser

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kevtheloser's favorite FMLs

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

#8430950
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21556) - you deserved it (18362)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - kids - by ohemgee23 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

#8417763
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5135) - you deserved it (61662)

On 02/18/2010 at 8:11pm - misc - by kaycie_lynn (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

#8271296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23060) - you deserved it (3661)

On 02/14/2010 at 10:09pm - love - by Vgameboi (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20443) - you deserved it (4714)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML

#8012707
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25598) - you deserved it (1720)

On 02/08/2010 at 2:30pm - misc - by dmachin - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

#7936537
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41640) - you deserved it (2106)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by Kelso (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet. Not knowing why I thought it would be funny to yell out "it's too quiet!" apparently it was a moment of silence for a teacher that had recently died. FML

#7889872
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7050) - you deserved it (61370)

On 02/04/2010 at 10:12pm - misc - by ... - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

#7782560
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14165) - you deserved it (24444)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

#7760741
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25769) - you deserved it (3109)

On 01/31/2010 at 10:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

#7753235
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26237) - you deserved it (4252)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by JK (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to cut class with one of my friends and we ended up going to Burger King. As we sat down at the table, I heard my name being called. My mum was getting lunch through the drive thru with my little brother and saw my car parked out front. FML

#7675609
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6581) - you deserved it (35951)

On 01/29/2010 at 2:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

#7631341
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31870) - you deserved it (6395)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by Crap (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML

#7631314
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15106) - you deserved it (4679)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:00am - intimacy - by nick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

#7584154
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19924) - you deserved it (9109)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:56am - intimacy - by mairelys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

#6808651
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37461) - you deserved it (2540)

On 12/18/2009 at 9:31am - love - by cheaters_should_die (man) - United States (Illinois)



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