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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27983) - you deserved it (3647)
On 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26980) - you deserved it (4281)
On 03/13/2013 at 5:06pm - misc - by bruised - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35071) - you deserved it (4894)
On 03/13/2013 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by WhyDoINeedAName - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12046) - you deserved it (28138)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:14pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27323) - you deserved it (2260)
On 03/13/2013 at 10:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30253) - you deserved it (3027)
On 03/13/2013 at 9:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28755) - you deserved it (2289)
On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35168) - you deserved it (11259)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28338) - you deserved it (3136)
On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30680) - you deserved it (1756)
On 03/12/2013 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML
I agree, your life sucks (29292) - you deserved it (2021)
On 03/12/2013 at 3:03pm - misc - by PhailedMidterm (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23229) - you deserved it (4030)
On 03/12/2013 at 2:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25751) - you deserved it (3359)
On 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28267) - you deserved it (4450)
On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)
Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42416) - you deserved it (4173)
On 03/12/2013 at 9:22am - intimacy - by kenleybunch - United States (North Carolina)
Monday 20 May 2013
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