About kenzie101 : I love reading this stuff. I get on everyday so swap down a message when you come by. See yal around!
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Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36739) - you deserved it (11259)
On 07/02/2009 at 4:31am - misc - by Kristache (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I realized that my company's calendar is synchronized throughout the whole building. The entire company now knows that I made love to my wife last Wednesday and Friday, and that I went out with a girl named Janet on Saturday. My wife's name is Julie, and she works in the same building. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7325) - you deserved it (118066)
On 06/26/2009 at 9:32pm - work - by Fred (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was visiting my friends new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughters. I'm a 37 year old male. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25006) - you deserved it (5003)
On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, all my friends had a huge party and 'forgot' to invite me. They only remembered about me at 2 am when they called asking for rides home because they were all too drunk to drive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35181) - you deserved it (1497)
On 06/19/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by Kerry (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13341) - you deserved it (37148)
On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML
I agree, your life sucks (56391) - you deserved it (5088)
On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13946) - you deserved it (30870)
On 05/29/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by pissingcontest (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35396) - you deserved it (1935)
On 05/26/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Allen (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I ran for my school's elections for President. I thought I was popular enough to win. I lost, by 61 votes, my grade is only 62 people. I was the only one to vote for myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50454) - you deserved it (9046)
On 05/04/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19241) - you deserved it (40453)
On 04/24/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by fml (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was going running. It was an especially windy day and things were flying through the wind. Apparently, bodily fluid can also fly through the wind. Turns out, a women was barfing over a bridge and the wind caught it and it flew through the air. Right into my face and body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68725) - you deserved it (2364)
On 04/09/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by fedlife (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48638) - you deserved it (7071)
On 04/07/2009 at 3:08am - love - by no_leather_of_any_kind - United States (Oregon)
Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57568) - you deserved it (5286)
On 04/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (198787) - you deserved it (58760)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45706) - you deserved it (23916)
On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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