About kelseythompson :
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
kelseythompson's favorite FMLs
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
by notenoughunderwearintheworld / 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by disataerkatie / 07/15/2013 at 6:30am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Love
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Maine) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." Then he walked away. FML
by help / 07/09/2013 at 4:57pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Geek
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Iowa) / Money
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML
by whorecrux / 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by confusedbagel / 06/27/2013 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML
by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML
by jgtrflynn / 06/24/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I've found out that since beginning my new heavy workout regime, my testosterone levels have… Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later,… Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into…